1. A questionable drawing is created in a second-grade classroom… the drawing:
2. A reasonably concerned teacher sends a letter home…. the teacher's letter:
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Johnson,
I have been concerned with nearly all of the drawings your son
Peter has done this year. It seems to me all of his drawings
contain overwhelmingly blatant phallic imagery. That is why
I have stapled a handful of the drawings in question to this
letter. As you will see, there is penis imagery all over. For
example, Peter recently drew a penis-fire truck spraying what
is hopefully water all over a burning penis-building. When
he wrote "I want to be a fireman when I grow up," it kind of
made me wonder what he was really thinking.
Peter will need to tone down the amount of seemingly dirty
pictures he is creating in class. If, by chance, Peter is
innocently constructing this phallic artwork, please help him
understand why his work is offensive. Hopefully, when Peter
returns to school tomorrow, this problem will be resolved.
Thank you in advance for your cooperation with this sensitive
matter. Please feel free to contact me at any time to discuss
this further.
Sincerely,
Diane Bryant
3. The father responds to the teacher's letter… now his letter:
Diane Bryant
Second Grade Instructor
Pleasant View Elementary
Dear Ms. Bryant:
When we asked our son what he thought he had been drawing, our little Peter was scared stiffer than wood. He didn't understand why anyone was mad at him, which leads me to believe he's getting the shaft. You see, our son Peter is extremely important to us. He was our special package from the stork seven years ago. I remember holding his little baby arm when he was born. After seven girls, it was a blessing from God that we finally had a boy. I hope my wife and I don't sound cocky, but we are very proud of our eight children. Regardless, Peter stands out firmly in our family because he is our only son. I know that it can be prickly for him since he is the only boy, but it is also what makes him special in our household. I guess I am asking that you throw him a bone. I'd like to get to the meat of the issue. Perhaps you just don't like Peter's drawing style?
What I am trying to say is that we examined the drawings you sent home with Peter. And for the life of us, we could not and cannot find any "phallic imagery" present in any of the drawings. Maybe we could reach a compromise and you could admit some of this is your own strange thinking. This way we can begin to move forward and erect a partnership. In the meantime, however, it would be nice if you wouldn't be some hard-on him. Peter is a good boy who is just trying to be a member of your classroom. That is just a tip for you. Thank you for your cooperation concerning this miscommunication. I may follow up with you again by phone or I may just poke my head in to talk.
Sincerely,
Richard Johnson
Project Manager
Wonder Stick Division
Giant Tools, Inc.
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