"With this renovation, we have given our beautiful lady Reflecting Pool a much-needed overhaul and brought her engineering into the 21st century. It's like she's getting a brand new vagina," Interior Secretary Ken Salazar said.
The National Park Service will start filling the new 4-million-gallon (15-million-litre) pool on the National Mall this month, the department said in a statement. The process will take three to five days. "That's quite an impressive gash," Salazar awkwardly continued.
The 90-year-old pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial that also reflects the soaring Washington Monument had provided one of the capital's most-photographed views. "It reminds us here at the Interior of having sex. The monument is the penis and the wading pool is the vagina," Salazar explained.
It also has been the backdrop to some of Washington's most historic events, including the Reverend Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech in 1963. But the reflecting pool, which is about 160 feet wide and 2,100 feet long, had degraded badly over the decades. Salazar added, "in that sense, the pool was not unlike my wife's vagina."
Because the pool lacked a circulation system, it had to be emptied, cleaned and refilled twice a year. It was shut in November 2010 for renovation. The revamped pool uses the nearby Tidal Basin as its main water source. The water will be treated and circulated back into the pool.
According to the report, the pool will be more shallow and aesthetically pleasing. Ken Salazar concluded, "it will pretty much be the exact opposite of my wife's vagina."
 |
| Ken Salazar gives two thumbs up to fixin' our Nation's lady parts. |
(Reporting by Ian Simpson; Editing by Vicki Allen; obnoxiously reworded by Joke Grenade)
No comments:
Post a Comment