Eagle and Hawk Endanger Children

Eagle swoops up a small child and almost makes off with him.

We ask ourselves, could a safety helmet have prevented this attack?

Hawk swoops up a small child for 360 Truckhook Kick Flip.

Do not attempt this with your child at home. We recommend 

using a neighbor's kid, if you have access to one.    

Remembering B. Martin Schitt-Haus

Bartholomew Martin Schitt-Haus was

poised to revolutionize the "Out House" 

until Thomas Crapper fucked everything up.

  

Thomas "John" Crapper is credited with improving (and ultimately popularizing) the indoor flush toilet in 1880s London, England.  This revolutionized the way the world uses the bathroom and essentially destroyed the life of B. Martin Schitt-Haus.  Within weeks of bringing a new outdoor toilet to market, B.M. Schitt-Haus learned that a Royal patent had been obtained for an indoor flush toilet. The patent was in the name of Thomas Crapper.

 Thomas "John" Crapper looking all smug and shit.

With his life's work now obsolete, Schitt-Haus grew weary.  No matter how hard he tried, he could not squeeze out a new idea.  Becoming flush with emotion, he knew he had nothing left in the back of the tank.  He entered a clockwise downward spiral into despair.  B. M. Schitt-Haus eventually committed suicide by swallowing a lit cherry bomb.  To this day, high-school teenagers honor him by flushing lit cherry bombs down toilets the world over.  Joke Grenade salutes him with this important blog entry.

In Memory of B. M. Schitt-Haus

1841-1891

Tornado Leaps Affluent Neighborhood

WACO, TX--- A strange yet slight change in wind direction altered the course of the region's most damaging tornado in recent history yesterday.

As the storm careened toward the wealthy suburb of Woodland Heights, it suddenly and miraculously shifted its course and wiped out the Redwood Coach trailer park...

See "THANK CHRIST, IT HIT THE POOR FOLKS AND NOT US"

Lady Gaga 'Meat Dress' Rotting Badly

NEW YORK, NY-- The dress made of meat Lady Gaga wore to the 2010 VMA's is apparently rotting badly in her clothes closet. The pop singer is insisting on a full refund from dress designer Ralph Creasey. Specializing in home-furnishings and drapes made of meat, Creasey contends...

See BEEF CURTAINS

Drunken Easter Bunny Runs Amok at White House

WASHINGTON, DC--- A drunken madman in an Easter bunny costume stormed this year's Easter Egg Roll on the South Lawn of the White House. The man, identified as 31-year old Andrew Hyland of Manassas, Virginia, is recovering at Georgetown University Hospital from a severe beating by Secret Service agents.

The crazed Easter bunny hopeful rushed the lawn just as President Obama blew the whistle for the Easter games to begin. The majority of the Egg Roll participants assumed Hyland's stunt was all part of the festivities until he removed his bunny head, at which point, all the children began shrieking in terror.

When Easter Bunnies Attack... 

Hyland had reportedly been replaced for the White House Easter Egg Roll gig just days before from (of all things) suspicion of alcohol intoxication.