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NBA to Begin Playing in Second Half of Season

Much Like a Real Game, the NBA Starts Playing in the 3rd Quarter.

New New Delhi Deli Makes

Indelible Impression

Negligent Mother Leaves

Sugar Babies in Hot Car

Thirty-Minute Errand-Turned Fiasco Being Dubbed

"Sticky Dash Tragedy."

Big Papi: "Home Runs Vetty Vetty

Hard to Hit With No Steroids."

Obnoxious Moviegoer Subjected to

Wave of Passive-Aggressive 'Ahems'

All of these fake stories and more at:

Joke Grenade

News Archives

Dick Cheney's Heart Replaced With Cheese Wheel

American Indian Casino Offers Free Drinks,

Only to Rescind Deal Later

Dick Armey Faints at Old Navy

Expressionless Pelosi Overjoyed At

Passage of Violence Against Women Act

Purple Jizz Blankets Entire North East

Map of Country Impossible to See With Giant Blob of Weather

Gunk Covering Everything Up

Dream Vacation to Sudan Turns Deadly

For Honeymooning Couple

Reflecting Pool Gets Vaginally Rejuvenated

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, the darling sweetheart of Washington's attractions, will be reopened to the public by the end of August after a $34 million renovation, the U.S. Interior Department said on Tuesday.

"With this renovation, we have given our beautiful lady Reflecting Pool a much-needed overhaul and brought her engineering into the 21st century. It's like she's getting a brand new vagina," Interior Secretary Ken Salazar said.

The National Park Service will start filling the new 4-million-gallon (15-million-litre) pool on the National Mall this month, the department said in a statement. The process will take three to five days. "That's quite an impressive gash," Salazar awkwardly continued.

The 90-year-old pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial that also reflects the soaring Washington Monument had provided one of the capital's most-photographed views. "It reminds us here at the Interior of having sex. The monument is the penis and the wading pool is the vagina," Salazar explained. 

It also has been the backdrop to some of Washington's most historic events, including the Reverend Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech in 1963. But the reflecting pool, which is about 160 feet wide and 2,100 feet long, had degraded badly over the decades. Salazar added, "in that sense, the pool was not unlike my wife's vagina." 

Because the pool lacked a circulation system, it had to be emptied, cleaned and refilled twice a year. It was shut in November 2010 for renovation.  The revamped pool uses the nearby Tidal Basin as its main water source. The water will be treated and circulated back into the pool.

According to the report, the pool will be more shallow and aesthetically pleasing. Ken Salazar concluded, "it will pretty much be the exact opposite of my wife's vagina."

Ken Salazar gives two thumbs up to fixin'  our Nation's lady parts.

(Reporting by Ian Simpson; Editing by Vicki Allen; obnoxiously reworded by Joke Grenade)

Tornado Leaps Affluent Neighborhood

WACO, TX--- A strange yet slight change in wind direction altered the course of the region's most damaging tornado in recent history yesterday.

As the storm careened toward the wealthy suburb of Woodland Heights, it suddenly and miraculously shifted its course and wiped out the Redwood Coach trailer park...

See "THANK CHRIST, IT HIT THE POOR FOLKS AND NOT US"