Tale of Two Websites

IT WAS the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of Joke Grenade, it was the age of e-Frolics, it was the epoch of a fake dating site, it was the epoch of a large comedy site,
  

it was the season of My Child Needs Therapy, it was the season of Stan and Fran, it was the spring of fake movies and books, it was the winter of celebrity dating tips, we had everything before us,

we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to the video section, we were all going direct the other way (funny still pics)-- in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.
                                 ----Justin Timberlake

Doctor Hang Low

Doctor Kenneth Hanglowe, PhD, MFT, NP is a private-practicing psychiatrist specializing in marital and family therapy.

In addition, the good doctor is a licensed nurse practitioner who can answer all of your questions from anatomy to sex to relationship to easing into the sidewinder sex position from the T-Bone.
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Here is some counseling from the good doctor:

I was wondering if it were legal to marry a clone of yourself, would that make you gay or just some sort of narcissist? Also, would that qualify as a gay marriage? If not, I would totally want myself inside of myself.

Kenny from Toledo

Kenny, since your question is a hypothetical one, my answer is brief. In your scenario above, that would make you more of a narcissist or self-focused person than it would a homosexual. But you do have my blessing to go screw yourself.

Dr. Hanglowe

@princessAngela: Hey Dr. Hanglowe. I shared a bottle of diet coke with this guy I slept with last night.

He backwashed like crazy and got his spit all over the  bottle. Should I be worried about AIDS or anything?

@docHanglowe: Hey Angela! It takes upwards of a gallon of saliva to transmit HIV (the virus that causes AIDS). It is most unlikely. My concern is the sexual intercourse part, you used a condom, right?

@princessAngela: Shit!

More Advice from Dr. Hanglowe available at:

e-Frolics (a division of Joke Grenade).

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Dr. Hanglowe is pronounced with a soft 'G' like 'hangover' or 'hangout' and not like 'haggard' or 'haggish.' No question is too stupid for Doc Hanglowe, if you're dumb enough to ask it.

e-Frolics New Member Profile

LadiesMan2008

Age: early twenties
Sex: all man
Ethnicity: white
Religion: I believe in beautiful women
Body Type: well-built
Height: 5 foot 7
Relationship Status: single and ready to mingle

Looking For: all the beautiful ladies that love the ladies' man
Profession: waiter at Chili's 
Income: rather not say

About Me: I am the closing kitchen manager at Chili's four nights a week. After that, you can find the Ladies' Man out on the town. I like to do Jager-bombs and drink Guinness at Irish Pubs. The Ladies' Man isn't much of a dancer, but I can two-step a bit. I have room mates but I have the entire downstairs of a pretty spacious house. I have a private land line too. It's where the Ladies' Man kicks it after hours. I find beautiful women to be really hot and I would never blow a dude. Just saying.

What Makes Me Different: There are men out there and then there are MEN. I am the original ladies man and I know how to show a girl a great time. Those other swamp donkeys out there have a lot to learn from the LADIES MAN!!!

Most Memorable Moment: It's a tie between hitting a home run in the playoffs in little league (it was ruled a triple with a throwing error) and telling the manager at Outback Steakhouse to fuck off when I quit.

Turn-Ons: beautiful women, hot women, boobs, smoking hot chicks
Turn-Offs: ugly girls, my boss, lousy tips, giant wangs at the gym

Celebrity Dating Tips on e-Frolics---John Edwards

Love on e-Frolics... Get Some.

Former Senator and douche bag John Edwards

"A great thing you can do is to take a woman for a ride in the countryside in your car. It is isolated just enough and hard for them to come up with excuses as to why they can't have sex with you. That one works for me pretty well."

---Former Senator John Edwards
More Celebrity Dating Tips Available atE-Frolics (a division of Joke Grenade)

e-Frolics Success Stories---The Glans Family

John Thomas and Emma Glan of Wycoff, New Jersey found true love on e-Frolics. This is their success story:

John:   Hello, we are the Glans. And we found love on
            e- Frolics. 
Emma: And we want to share our success story.
John:   I've worked in sales for Yoplait since college. I was
            too busy to date. So I joined e-Frolics. Of all the
            profiles on the site, there was one that pricked my
            attention.  It was Emma's.
Emma: Before I was Emma Glan, I was lonely Emma
             Schvantz. I made a connection with John online 
             and set up a date with ease. And just like that...
             Ding Dong. Love came knocking. With a turn of
             the door knob, there stood my future husband. He
             was the total package.
John:    I couldn't believe this beautiful woman would go
             for a bald-headed yogurt slinger. I was the
             luckiest male-member on e-Frolics. The date
             went so well, I gave her a pecker on the lips.
Emma:  Our first kiss! I felt weak in the knees. I needed a
             third leg to hold myself up.
John:    I was flirting and winking at her like crazy all
             night. I was like Mr. Winky. 
Emma:  Mister? More like Captain Winky! He was so
             flirtatious. Six months later, I moved in with him. 
John:    That was the best day of my life. I had to clear out
             a bunch of junk to make room for her. I threw out
             my German helmet collection, pawned my Little
             Elvis figurine and sold my Shaft DVD on e-Bay.
Emma:  He even fixed my car with his tool. I love him so
             much.
John:    I love her so much. We owe it all to the wonderful
             folks at e-Frolics. Rock out with your socks out, 
             guys! You're the best.

Did we really need to spoon feed you?

Get Dating Advice on e-Frolics with Stan and Fran

Get prudent sex and relationship advice from Stan and Fran Lindhoff, the once-married, now divorced co-hosts of the much ballyhooed Stan and Fran Radio Hour. 

PREVIOUSLY ON THE STAN AND FRAN RADIO HOUR:

LINE 2: What are some things I can do to improve my sex life physically and  

                  emotionally?

                                                         

STAN:   The best things to do for your sex life are to eat beets, take a daily multi-

                 vitamin and learn the art of flattery. Women are powerless to flattery.

FRAN:  Clearly, my ex-husband is a fucking moron.  But I suppose the beet does

                hold nutritional benefits for the body.

STAN:   And clearly, my co-host here isn't getting many nutritional benefits out of 

                her diet.  There's a reason this a radio show and not television, folks.

LINE 2: Wow. It sounds like this is a bad time... I think I'll call back later.

Top-notch dating advice on e-Frolics

(a division of Joke Grenade)

Love... Get Some.

A Sex Quiz from e-Frolics

In order to pair you up with the most compatible dating profiles possible, e-Frolics has put together a very scientific quiz about sex, sexuality and Human nature.


All you need is your honesty. No need to cram for this one. In fact, "cramming" would mean something else entirely in this situation (as would "all-nighter").

So put on your thinking cap. There's no wrong answer... unless you're lying your ass off.


1. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN INVOLVED IN A DONKEY PUNCH?
     A. I'm not a fan of equine pugilism. 
     B. No, that's just an urban legend.
     C. I did that yesterday. I'm still on queer street as a result.


2. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT GAY MARRIAGE?
     A. I'm not gay and believe only straight people have the right to
         become dead inside from a loveless union.
     B. I support a gay couple's right to only have sex with each other
         until their genitals are rendered useless from old age.
     C. I am gay and wish straight people would get their heads out of
         their asses.


3. DO YOU READ OR WATCH PORNOGRAPHIC MATERIALS?
     A. Indeed. Got a sweet little whack stack back at the pad.
     B. What asshole hasn't been exposed to this billion dollar industry?
     C. I make my own. I'm a bit of a filmmaker. My scenes end with a
         squinting facial as a flock of doves are released. Sort of a Sergio
         Leone meets John Woo. Can you dig it?


FINISH THE 50 QUESTION QUIZ AT
e-FROLICS (a partner of jokegrenade.com) 

HOT AND SEXY OFFER FROM e-FROLICS

UNLIMITED ACCESS SITEWIDE for one full weekend! 
We will also throw in an all-expense paid video chat with Clint Howard, as well as free weekends on our sister sites Hairy Men Meet and Bulgarians Mingle.com.

All YOU have to do is buy a one-year membership to e-Frolics up front and agree to a three-year contract with us. 


Still not convinced? 


We'll toss in leftover e-Frolics 2008 Launch Picnic T-shirts. And we all remember what a party that was! Offer only valid in US and Bulgaria. 


Go to Joke Grenade and enter PROMO CODE: CLINT20 to cash in on this hot offer.

The Interwebs' Hottest New Fake Dating Site

Love... Get Some.

e-Frolics at jokegrenade.com

e-Frolics' Policy Concerning Your Personal Data

In case you've been living in a freezer, e-Frolics is the hot new dating site from jokegrenade.com where the singles come to mingle. 


The online party never stops at e-Frolics as users get outstanding profile after outstanding profile.  

e-Frolics is non-stop, hot party
action with people like this.

To make sure you have up-to-the-minute access to each and every e-Frolics profile, you may want to upgrade your account at a moment's notice. 


To do so, you'll want to keep your credit card numbers on file with us. 

Other good numbers to leave with us are your Social Security Number, passwords to your email accounts and a bank routing number. 


When love comes calling, you'll be glad we have all of your pertinent information. 

e-Frolics New Member Profile

MOVIE_FAN-007

Age: 40 Year-Old Virgin
Sex: Pretty Woman
Ethnicity: Snow White
Religion: Christian Slater
Body Type: Jennifer's Body
Height: Walking Tall


Relationship Status: Single White Female
Looking For: A Serious Man
Profession: Bank Job 
Income: Mad Money


About Me: I am a mathematical genius who works as a janitor at MIT. I enjoy infiltrating the dreams of corporate titans and stealing their most closely held secrets. My girlfriend Thelma and I accidentally killed a man while blazing a cathartic trail across America. I am a former assassin and my ruthless employer shot me at the altar on my wedding day. After some time has passed, I am ready to put myself back out there. I am looking for a man who will lead the Human resistance against militaristic robots in a post-apocalyptic future Earth. He Must Love Dogs.


What Makes Me Different: I love the smell of napalm in the morning. I see dead people and I'm ready for my close up. I suffer from short-term memory loss after sustaining a head injury. Have I told you about my condition? I'm going to need a bigger boat and in five years my family business will be completely legitimate.

Most Memorable Moment: Probably the time I played "Chopsticks" and "Heart and Soul" with Robert Loggia on a giant Walking Piano demo at the mall.


Turn-Ons: Dragon Tattoos, Fava beans with a nice bottle of Chianti.
Turn-Offs: Rosebud, the Precious, whatever is in the briefcase.

More Profiles Available at e-Frolics.  Love... Get Some.

Introducing e-Frolics: the Mother of All Dating Sites

Do you ever feel like there aren't any transgendered Pacific Islanders out there who are single anymore?
Is there no one decent enough to cuddle up on the couch with and watch the Mighty Ducks 2? Do you find it impossible to find a travel or sightseeing companion willing to pee on your chest once you get back to the hotel?  


Hey, Weirdo... whatever nonsense you are in to, you WILL find compatibility at e-Frolics. 

pictured above: marketable white people 

About e-Frolics: Our mission is to match up our customers with multiple profiles on a daily basis. 

It is often said that we are more "aggressive" than all of our competitors... however, we like to say we are more "playful." 

Dates set up through e-Frolics have a far higher likelihood of someone getting finger blasted at the end of it, than those of Match, e-Harmony or even drunk-horny-bastards.com. 

Relax, you're almost home. Visit e-Frolics (a division of Joke Grenade).