Thursday, May 16, 2013

THE NEWS ARCHIVE



NEWS ARCHIVES

Bank of America to Introduce
'Because You Bank Here' Fee
When You Click Above Image, There Will Be A Ten Dollar Service
 Charge Applied to Your Next Monthly Bill For Your Convenience.


Patriotic American Uses 'Freedom 
Tickler' On Girlfriend
French Socialism-hating Ben Kruger is shown above thinking
about a time-honored, freedom-inspiring "American" device.


Hemorrhoid Sufferers Sit-In Protest
Becomes a Stand-In After an Hour or So
Celebrity and chronic hemorrhoid sufferer Daryl Hannah is
about to suggest that maybe the group stand for a while.


China: No Delivery for Food Orders Under
Fifteen Dollars, Limit One Child Per Family
Hottest Items Are Shrimp Lo Mein and Babies Born Male.



Sixteen Year-Old Fifth-Grader
Deemed 'Too Big To Fail'
Trevor Hanson chugs malt beer in front of an American flag.


These totally legit stories and more at:
in the NEWS ARCHIVE.


WIFE BEATERS HALL OF FAME --- IKE TURNER


now available at

There are no cute kittens in this particular gallery.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

NEWS ARCHIVES


Hit TV Show Dallas Renews Tony Romo's
Contract for Ninth Season
Popular Actor to Reprise Role of Oil Tycoon and Part-Time
Quarterback in the Hit TV Series.  Who Ever Did Shoot J.R.?



Couple Claims to Have Qualified for
'Mile High Club' After Honeymooning
in Denver Area
Sex Romp in Coors Field Cheap Seats "Clinched It" According
to Newlyweds.  Related: Shrinking Airline Bathrooms to Blame
For Declining Membership into Mile High Club?



No Second-Date With Feminist Direct
Result of Careless Title Nine Comment
Chad Huddleston Realized Not Having Varsity Men's Water 
Polo Team  Not Really That Fucking Important in Hindsight.



Tales of Vacation Sins Return Home With
Las Vegas Resident, Loophole Unfair



Irritating Co-Worker Keeps Saying
"Roger" and "Copy That"


These Stories and More Made-Up Bull Shit at




Wife Beaters Hall of Fame --- Shannon Sharpe


There is a new art Gallery available at 
               JOKE GRENADE.  

    The WIFE BEATERS HALL OF FAME
is now ready for your viewing displeasure. 

This gallery is dedicated to some bad dudes and                     contains absolutely no cute kittens.





News Archives


HEADLINES:
  • Small Creationist Group Evolves Into Much Larger Organization
  • Groupon and Craigslist Will Team Up to Provide "Orgy Catering"
  • Second Grader from Wichita Wins National Speling Bea

NEWS IN PICTURES:

Exotic Dancer Makes Car Down Payment
With Two Thousand One Dollar Bills


Catholic Church Embarks on Global
Sex Education Project, Missionary Style
The Church Will Use Pet Rabbits as Instructional Tools. Pictured
Above: 'the Laying on of the Hands.'


This and Lots More Fake News at:








Gays, Klansmen Tussle in Street Battle


CHICAGO, IL --- Dozens of brawls erupted on the streets of Chicago
when two floats from overlapping parade routes collided Saturday...

                        See "EVERYONE LOVES A PARADE"

News Archives

Class President Strong Arms Student Body
Into Participating in Anti-Bullying Week

Study Finds Diarrhea, 'Feminine Issues'
 Both Solid Sick-Day Excuses

Fashion Store The Gap Names 
Michael Strahan as Their
Official Spokesmodel

True Blood Star Anna Paquin to Appear With the 
Former NFL Star in Numerous Ads.


Red Kettle Bell Ringer Straight Up
Eye-Ballin' These Cheap Mother Fuckers

Herman "Salvation-One-Man-Army" Jones is Tryin'
to Get Some Damn Donations Up in This Piece.

Chopping Head Off Turkey, Watching
It Die Made For A Special Thanksgiving

The Anderson's Did Their Part By Using A Free Range Bird.
It Took A Total of Six Wacks Before the Head Came Off.

All of these falsehoods and more at:






Wrong 'N' Word Doesn't Make A Civil Right



                        TUSCALOOSA, AL --- In an attempt to follow the example of the 2007
                        NAACP funeral for the 'N' word and sexist language, the University of
                        Alabama Student Club for Diversity awkwardly buried the wrong 'N' word...

News Archives

NBA to Begin Playing in Second Half of Season

Much Like a Real Game, the NBA Starts Playing in the 3rd Quarter.


New New Delhi Deli Makes
Indelible Impression

Negligent Mother Leaves
Sugar Babies in Hot Car
Thirty-Minute Errand-Turned Fiasco Being Dubbed
"Sticky Dash Tragedy."


Big Papi: "Home Runs Vetty Vetty
Hard to Hit With No Steroids."


Obnoxious Moviegoer Subjected to
Wave of Passive-Aggressive 'Ahems'

All of these fake stories and more at:



Tuesday, May 14, 2013

The Wife Beaters Hall of Fame --- Vanilla Ice

There is a new art gallery available 
             at Joke Grenade.  The 
           Wife Beaters Hall of Fame 
 is now ready for your viewing displeasure. 
This gallery is dedicated
                              to some bad dudes and
            contains absolutely no cute kittens.


Man Gets Wish of Someday Dying
 in Warm Bed When Meteor Crashes
 into His Bedroom


Makers of Rabbit Sex Toy Take
Two-Prong Approach to 
Marketing Campaign


Congress Saddles Little Guy With the Bill


Nothing But Cry Babies and Fags in Man's
Court-Ordered Sensitivity Training


TSA Screeners to Play Barry White Music
During Routine Pat Downs






Joke Grenade Books

Hey, would you like a good book that really isn't that hard to read?
How about three good books?  Check these gems out:

This one is about hookers.

You decide where to go. 

                                                      No need for pricey lubricants.

If you're the smart type that likes a lot of words per page, then you'll really love all three of these books:

       She banged David Petraeus.   

                                                   
                                                               Boot and Rally.
   
                                                 
                                                        I didn't actually read this one.


For more easy and good books to read go to joke grenade.

News Archives

G-20 Leaders Discuss Weather, 
Best Route to Summit


Greek Economy Taking A
Greek Style Pounding


Man Meets Dateline NBC's
To Catch A Predator Host
Longtime Fan Meets Chris Hansen, Then 
is Abruptly Taken Into Custody.

World's Oldest Boy Rejects 
Mother's Breast Milk


Flock of Seagulls Blamed For
Plane Crash, Shitty Music





The Wife Beater's Hall of Fame --- James Brown

There is a new art gallery in the Joke Grenade Gallery 

section.  The Wife Beaters' Hall of Fame  is


now available for your viewing displeasure.  This gallery is 

dedicated to some bad dudes and contains absolutely no cute 


kittens.




Hillary Clinton Spends an Entire Career Advancing the Interests of Women Only to Wind Up Being a Secretary 
John Kerry Takes Over as Secretary of State.


Boy Named Hymen Mysteriously 
Explodes While Horseback Riding
Seemingly Strong Boy Suddenly Bursts into 
Red Mist. Pokey the Horse Was Not Injured.

Woman Sacrifices Career, Marriage
for Intervention Marathon on A&E


Charlie Sheen Upset to Learn Police
Escort Only Entails Ride to the Airport


Facing Elimination, Local Boy Changes
 Game of HORSE to HORS D'OEUVRES